THE HOUSE — PLATEAA/BF/001
“ASHTRAY ARISTOCRAT”
The Ashtray Crest Tee
£62Full achievement, back. Simplified crest, left chest.
Cream / Noir
Drop 001 — opened MMXXVI
The Balcony Files
Drop 001. Twelve pieces recovered from a summer nobody will confirm. Cigarette balconies, casino nights, legal fees, and the sort of evening best remembered by other people.
12 pieces on record
IN TRANSIT — PLATEAA/BF/002
“I ONLY SMOKE IN EUROPE”
The Continental Habit Tee
£62A defence offered at four airports and accepted at none.
Cream / Washed Black / Faded Navy
LEGAL OFFICES, AFTER LUNCH — PLATEAA/BF/003
“LINEN, LIES & LEGAL FEES”
The Legal Fees Tee
£64Three line items from the same invoice.
Cream / Ash Grey
MILAN — PLATEAA/BF/004
“BALCONY CIGARETTE SOCIETY · EST. MMXXVI”
The Balcony Society Tee
£62Membership is observed rather than granted.
Cream / Olive
MONACO — PLATEAA/BF/005
“THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS. WE STILL PLAY.”
The House Always Wins Tee
£62Chip stack, baize, and a figure declining to leave.
Noir / Faded Navy
MONACO — PLATEAA/BF/006
“MONÉGASQUE MINISTRY OF MISCHIEF”
The Monégasque Ministry Tee
£62Department seal. Correspondence unanswered since inception.
Cream / Ash Grey
CANNES — PLATEAA/BF/007
“CANNES COMPLIANCE OFFICE”
The Cannes Compliance Tee
£62Findings: inconclusive. Recommendation: another season.
Cream / Washed Black
LAKE COMO — PLATEAA/BF/008
“LAKE COMO COVER-UP COMMITTEE”
The Lake Como Cover-Up Tee
£62Minutes taken. Minutes destroyed.
Cream / Olive
PORTOFINO — PLATEAA/BF/009
“PORTOFINO BAIL OFFICE · 24H”
The Portofino Bail Tee
£62Open all hours. Discretion included.
Cream / Faded Navy
IBIZA — PLATEAA/BF/010
“IBIZA WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAMME”
The Witness Protection Tee
£62Participants report no memory of participating.
Cream / Washed Black
EVERYWHERE IT WENT WRONG — PLATEAA/BF/011
“THE BALCONY FILES · DROP 001”
The Balcony Files Hoodie
£128Case file, complete, worn open over nothing.
Cream / Noir / Olive
HELD IN THE HAND, MOSTLY — PLATEAA/BF/012
“AA”
The House Cap
£48Cipher, embroidered. Worn low.
Cream / Noir / Faded Navy
No witnesses, just linen.The evidence was poorly lit.Discretion is a dress code.Dress well. Deny calmly.Holiday behaviour. Heritage standards.Your honour, it was summer.The balcony remembers.The house always wins. We still play.Late checkout, early legal advice.No witnesses, just linen.The evidence was poorly lit.Discretion is a dress code.Dress well. Deny calmly.Holiday behaviour. Heritage standards.Your honour, it was summer.The balcony remembers.The house always wins. We still play.Late checkout, early legal advice.